Your voice echoes in my heart.
My spirit is warmed by your words.
A new day is breaking.
I think I can hear the birds sing sweetly.
It gives me hope.
Fruit Punch
7 months ago
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
I AM A LUCKY DUCK
I can't believe it....I won again. A couple weeks ago Prima and Tattered Angels teamed up and held a couple contests. The one over on the Tattered Angels' website featured glimmer mist and Prima products and you had to guess the number of sprays of glimmer mist in a 2oz bottle and guess what....I won! Yep I guessed 327. Turns out there are approximately 328 sprays in the bottle. That's a lot of glimmer mist!
I was so surprised to get the email yesterday announcing my win. Looks like I will be getting some delicious glimmer mist and some Prima products to alter! I can alter a bunch of stuff with 328 sprays!!!
Thanks Tattered Angels!!
I was so surprised to get the email yesterday announcing my win. Looks like I will be getting some delicious glimmer mist and some Prima products to alter! I can alter a bunch of stuff with 328 sprays!!!
Thanks Tattered Angels!!
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
To Be or Not to Be....That is the question!
Tonight my son Austin performed in his first theatre production. A Fairy Tale Courtroom was the name of the play and Austin had the lead role. The play featured a whacky bunch of fairy tale characters who were witnesses at the trial of the Big Bad Wolf and the Wicked Witch on trial for their crimes. Austin played the Big Bad Wolf.
Every Mother is proud of their child, but I have to tell you I was so excited and proud of Austin tonight. He is such a natural talent. He just cracked me up!!! He was so funny! He has always been animated and theatrical, but he really took the cake tonight.
I am not sure where this acting gene came from...but he has definately got it.
Great job dude!!! Tonight you rocked!!!!
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Almost Washed Away
Yesterday we had terrible storms in the Houston area. I had been out and about all day, first had my oil painting class in the morning and then did the make-n-take over at the Scrapbook Junkie. When it was time to pack up and go home the storms had peaked and there was quite the down pour.
Well I needed to get home to get my kids to their guitar lessons so I headed out into the storm. Not a very smart move I must say. It was definitely slow going and despite some high water I forged on through the rain. At one point I thought I was going to make it but the route I intended to take was blocked off because of high water. I cut through a parking lot and got back out on the interstate access road and kept moving.
Because I had already gotten through the high water once, I decided to keep going and that was a bad mistake. In the highest part of the water the engine on the van seized up and the engine died. I tried to restart but no luck. I didn't know what I was going to do. The water was so high and the wake from the other vehicles making through around me, caused my vehicle to float and loose a little ground. Then I noticed that the van started to take in water. "Oh God!" I prayed "Please help me through this. This is bad and I need your help."
I was frantic and despite trying to attract the attention of passers by I couldn't get anyone to help me. I sat alone and helpless in the high water. More and more water was coming into the car. I knew enough not to get out of the vehicle. I stayed put. I called my husband crying. He was at work and there was no way he could come and help me. Even if he had left work, the roads were so bad he would have never been able to get to me. There was desperation in his voice knowing he couldn't get to me.
I noticed that the traffic on the interstate was slowing down and I saw a green truck that had pulled over on the side of the road up on the interstate. Suddenly I saw a young man in a cowboy hat wading across the median, coming in my direction. I guess he could see the fear in my face. He asked me if he could help. I told him my car wouldn't start and that I there was about 3 inches of water in the floor board by this time. He told me to put the van in neutral and he got behind the van and pushed. I don't know how he did it but he pushed and pushed and pushed with is bare hands and brute strength, and pushed my van out of the water and on to higher ground. Thank God he was there. I do not know what I would have done. This young man told me to turn everything off in the car to preserve my battery and told me to lock the car doors. He asked me if I had a cell phone and I did and he told me to call roadside assistance; said the number was on my drivers license. I told him he was and Angel from God and thanked him over and over for his help. I will never forget his face.
Well I was out of the high water, but there I sat. The car would not start. The kids called me wondering where I was. I didn't tell them I was stranded because I didn't want them to worry. I told them I was stuck in traffic and that I was safe and that I would be home soon.
In the mean time, I talked to my husband again and he told me to leave the car sit for a while to let the water drain out of the exhaust and the engine and said to wait a while and then try it. Well I knew that something was wrong with the battery because it just made a buzzing noise when I tried to turn it over. A couple firemen and policemen waded by my car and asked if I was okay. I told them I was better, having been pushed out of the high water, but that I needed a wrecker. The firemen said that I would not be able to get a wrecker and to just sit tight. "Try to call someone to help you." she said. Sheesh. I was in a bad spot that is for sure. I watched as the firemen proceeded up the road and at one point the water was chest high. I cannot believe how high the water got in such a short period of time.
After about 2 1/2 hours I was getting desperate. The kids were calling me wondering when I was coming home and I began thinking I might have to sit there until dark. I started thinking about who I knew that had a high profile vehicle. I immediately thought about my next door neighbors. I knew their big truck would be able to get through the high water. I called them. Sure enough, Tim was there in less than 15 minutes. I could not believe it. I felt so relieved to see his truck pull up along side mine.
We tried to jump start the car the first time and it failed. Traffic was backing up behind his truck and he had to move out of the way. After the traffic cleared we decided to try it one more time. As he attached the jumper cables one more time I said a prayer "Dear Jesus, I need your help! Please make this work." And it did! The engine fired up. I let the engine rev for a little bit. In the mean time someone else that had stalled out asked Tim for a jump and he helped him too. Tim followed me home to safety.
As Tim stood there in the pouring rain, drenched from head to toe, I realized how blessed I am. First to have Tim and Theresa as friends. They were there when I needed them. Thanks guys! You are the best! And second, to have the compassion and caring of a total stranger to put himself in harms way to help me. I am humbled by this and feel blessed and fortunate. You know we hear everyday about how the world has gotten to be so cold and uncaring. While there maybe some truth to this statement, but I believe and have witnessed first hand that there are mostly very good people in this world. People that are willing to make sacrifices for friends, and in my case total strangers.
Well needless to say it was not the ending I would have liked for an otherwise wonderful day, but Thank God He was there with me through it all! I Thank God for the wonderful friends that I have that came in my time of need and I Thank God for the Cowboy Angel he sent to help me out of the high water. Who ever you are and where ever you are, know that I will always say a prayer for you!
My kids took these photos of the flood waters that tried to make their way up into the yard.
Well I needed to get home to get my kids to their guitar lessons so I headed out into the storm. Not a very smart move I must say. It was definitely slow going and despite some high water I forged on through the rain. At one point I thought I was going to make it but the route I intended to take was blocked off because of high water. I cut through a parking lot and got back out on the interstate access road and kept moving.
Because I had already gotten through the high water once, I decided to keep going and that was a bad mistake. In the highest part of the water the engine on the van seized up and the engine died. I tried to restart but no luck. I didn't know what I was going to do. The water was so high and the wake from the other vehicles making through around me, caused my vehicle to float and loose a little ground. Then I noticed that the van started to take in water. "Oh God!" I prayed "Please help me through this. This is bad and I need your help."
I was frantic and despite trying to attract the attention of passers by I couldn't get anyone to help me. I sat alone and helpless in the high water. More and more water was coming into the car. I knew enough not to get out of the vehicle. I stayed put. I called my husband crying. He was at work and there was no way he could come and help me. Even if he had left work, the roads were so bad he would have never been able to get to me. There was desperation in his voice knowing he couldn't get to me.
I noticed that the traffic on the interstate was slowing down and I saw a green truck that had pulled over on the side of the road up on the interstate. Suddenly I saw a young man in a cowboy hat wading across the median, coming in my direction. I guess he could see the fear in my face. He asked me if he could help. I told him my car wouldn't start and that I there was about 3 inches of water in the floor board by this time. He told me to put the van in neutral and he got behind the van and pushed. I don't know how he did it but he pushed and pushed and pushed with is bare hands and brute strength, and pushed my van out of the water and on to higher ground. Thank God he was there. I do not know what I would have done. This young man told me to turn everything off in the car to preserve my battery and told me to lock the car doors. He asked me if I had a cell phone and I did and he told me to call roadside assistance; said the number was on my drivers license. I told him he was and Angel from God and thanked him over and over for his help. I will never forget his face.
Well I was out of the high water, but there I sat. The car would not start. The kids called me wondering where I was. I didn't tell them I was stranded because I didn't want them to worry. I told them I was stuck in traffic and that I was safe and that I would be home soon.
In the mean time, I talked to my husband again and he told me to leave the car sit for a while to let the water drain out of the exhaust and the engine and said to wait a while and then try it. Well I knew that something was wrong with the battery because it just made a buzzing noise when I tried to turn it over. A couple firemen and policemen waded by my car and asked if I was okay. I told them I was better, having been pushed out of the high water, but that I needed a wrecker. The firemen said that I would not be able to get a wrecker and to just sit tight. "Try to call someone to help you." she said. Sheesh. I was in a bad spot that is for sure. I watched as the firemen proceeded up the road and at one point the water was chest high. I cannot believe how high the water got in such a short period of time.
After about 2 1/2 hours I was getting desperate. The kids were calling me wondering when I was coming home and I began thinking I might have to sit there until dark. I started thinking about who I knew that had a high profile vehicle. I immediately thought about my next door neighbors. I knew their big truck would be able to get through the high water. I called them. Sure enough, Tim was there in less than 15 minutes. I could not believe it. I felt so relieved to see his truck pull up along side mine.
We tried to jump start the car the first time and it failed. Traffic was backing up behind his truck and he had to move out of the way. After the traffic cleared we decided to try it one more time. As he attached the jumper cables one more time I said a prayer "Dear Jesus, I need your help! Please make this work." And it did! The engine fired up. I let the engine rev for a little bit. In the mean time someone else that had stalled out asked Tim for a jump and he helped him too. Tim followed me home to safety.
As Tim stood there in the pouring rain, drenched from head to toe, I realized how blessed I am. First to have Tim and Theresa as friends. They were there when I needed them. Thanks guys! You are the best! And second, to have the compassion and caring of a total stranger to put himself in harms way to help me. I am humbled by this and feel blessed and fortunate. You know we hear everyday about how the world has gotten to be so cold and uncaring. While there maybe some truth to this statement, but I believe and have witnessed first hand that there are mostly very good people in this world. People that are willing to make sacrifices for friends, and in my case total strangers.
Well needless to say it was not the ending I would have liked for an otherwise wonderful day, but Thank God He was there with me through it all! I Thank God for the wonderful friends that I have that came in my time of need and I Thank God for the Cowboy Angel he sent to help me out of the high water. Who ever you are and where ever you are, know that I will always say a prayer for you!
My kids took these photos of the flood waters that tried to make their way up into the yard.
Thursday, April 16, 2009
EXCITING PRIMA NEWS & MAKE-N-TAKES!
TOOT TOOT!!! HONK HONK!!! BEEP BEEP!!!
I was OVER THE MOON today to find that
Prima Marketing has featured my Go Green two page layout on their blog! What an awesome privilege. I am such a HUGE Prima fan and THIS has got to be one of my most exciting moments! THANK YOU PRIMA you made my day! Prima rocks!
AND I wanted to also tell you.....
I will be doing a Make-N-Take at the Scrapbook Junkie from
1PM-3PM this Saturday, April 18th. Beth gave me some really cool 7Gypsies stuff to create a project. Plus, Rhonda put together a really cool project using some fun Sassafrass products. It is going to be great fun so stop by and have some fun with us. Quantities are limited so come early!
I was OVER THE MOON today to find that
Prima Marketing has featured my Go Green two page layout on their blog! What an awesome privilege. I am such a HUGE Prima fan and THIS has got to be one of my most exciting moments! THANK YOU PRIMA you made my day! Prima rocks!
AND I wanted to also tell you.....
I will be doing a Make-N-Take at the Scrapbook Junkie from
1PM-3PM this Saturday, April 18th. Beth gave me some really cool 7Gypsies stuff to create a project. Plus, Rhonda put together a really cool project using some fun Sassafrass products. It is going to be great fun so stop by and have some fun with us. Quantities are limited so come early!
Monday, April 13, 2009
Portait Oil Painting 101
I have always wanted to learn how to oil paint so I decided to take some classes. I have done some portrait sketches in charcoal but wanted to try my hand at painting. So I found a local artist that teaches painting classes in Webster and I gave her a call. Her name is Dana Schoppa and she is one wonderful lady. She is so enthusiastic, warm and encouraging.
When I got to my first lesson I didn't know what to expect. I didn't know what I would paint the first time. So I took with me some of my sketches and showed them to her. She told me that I really needed to be doing portraits. But what should I paint to start with? I asked her. "A portrait!" she said. You have got to be kidding me. My first attempt and she wanted me to dive head first into a portrait. Hmmm is this lady nuts or what? Well I set aside my fears and she stepped me through the process.
To start she has a bunch of calender art to use as subjects and I dug out the only portrait calender art there was. George Washington, of all people. I got to work. Step by step she guided me through the process of sketching my subject, mixing colors, and putting the paint on canvas. By the end of the first lesson I was thinking "Well maybe I can do this...we will have to see."
Well this past Saturday was my second lesson and I am really starting to get very excited about this. My portrait of is almost finished and it is starting to look like something. I still have to do the eyes, some detailing, some corrections and some shading and I still have to paint the clothing, but it is looking like I may finish at my next lesson this Saturday!
I can't wait to start on the next portrait. The second one will be of someone I love! Not sure who yet.
Here is a photos of the portrait in full swing. The three subjects are supposed to be George Washington as an old man, a middle age man and and a young man. You can see the subject photo at the left of the painting. It is far from perfect, but not too shabby for the first time.
What do you think....should I keep going at it? Be honest, be brutally honest. I can take it.
Sunday, April 12, 2009
HE IS RISEN!!!
Happy Easter to you all! I hope that you are having a wonderful day celebrating.
My day started out very early this morning. My husband worked nights last night and got off at 6AM. He woke us up when he got home and we got ready for the 8:30AM service at Lakewood Church up in Houston.
We have been members of Lakewood Church since 2002 and we just love the Osteen Family. Many people ask me what it is like to attend one of their services and I all I can say is that it is AWESOME!! The Praise and Worship is like no other church I have ever been too and the of course Joel Osteen's messages of hope and encouragement leave you feeling loved and uplifted. Yes the church is huge, but if you have ever gone you would probably agree that once you are there it doesn't feel like you are in a huge arena. It feels warm and personal and you feel the presence of the Holy Spirit. God shows up every Sunday! You better believe it. We have tried other churches and to this day have not been able to find the same connection as we do there. If you are ever in the Houston area, you must go to one of their services. You are going to love it.
After the service we ate at my most favorite restaurant in Houston, Chuy's Mexican Food, over on Westheimer. It was so delish! It had been a while since my BFF and I had gone and I was going through some serious withdrawals. I feel better now! LOL
When we got home I took a little nap (ahhh it was so nice) and then got up and put the Easter Ham in the oven. The day is almost over and I can't believe that I did not take a single photo today. Darn it. Oh well, we did take some on Friday though.
A friend of ours told us about this big field of Bluebonnets here in League City and we all headed out for some photos. My BFF Wendy and her daughter Catherine joined us and we got some awesome photos. Every year we miss the bluebonnets because we don't want to drive up to the Hill Country, but not this year. They were pratically in our own backyard! So these are our Easter photos. Hope you like them.
Hugs, Heidi
Friday, April 10, 2009
AND THE WINNER IS....
Kimberly Johnson said...
Heidi! What a wonderful thought! A giveaway for your 100th posting! Sounds like a great idea! If you get time check out my blog at www.queencrop-a-lot.blogspot.com. I'd love to come to Houston sometime and crop with you guys!Kim
April 5, 2009 3:47 PM
Please email me your mailing address and I will send you your prize!!!
Congratulations and thank you to all that participated. Stay tuned I will have another giveaway real soon!
Hugs to all
Heidi
Heidi! What a wonderful thought! A giveaway for your 100th posting! Sounds like a great idea! If you get time check out my blog at www.queencrop-a-lot.blogspot.com. I'd love to come to Houston sometime and crop with you guys!Kim
April 5, 2009 3:47 PM
Please email me your mailing address and I will send you your prize!!!
Congratulations and thank you to all that participated. Stay tuned I will have another giveaway real soon!
Hugs to all
Heidi
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Still Time...Don't miss out!
There is still time to get your name in the hat for the 100th Post Blog Giveaway!!! These Rhonna Farrer stamps are awesome!
All you gotta do is:
Post on your blog about this giveaway.
Add yourself as a follower of my blog.
Leave me a comment with your email address and a link to your blog.
Good Luck!
All you gotta do is:
Post on your blog about this giveaway.
Add yourself as a follower of my blog.
Leave me a comment with your email address and a link to your blog.
Good Luck!
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Going Green!
Going Green is all the rage right now so I thought it might be time that I get on board.
When I did this layout I used the Prima Voila felt borders. They are self adhesive and have a removable backing to them. When I pulled off the backing I just couldn't bring myself to throw the backing away. So instead I inked it up with Colorbox Chalk inks and embossed with some clear embossing powder and Voila (no pun intended) I had two borders for the price of one!
Pretty cool huh? I saved money, had fun and saved the planet all in one shot! Life is good.
Hugs,
Heidi
Sunday, April 5, 2009
100 Posts!
Can you believe that I have actually hit my 100th post! This post is actually 101 but I can not let this milestone go by with out a celebration. And what better way to celebrate than to have a giveaway!! All you gotta do is:
Post on your blog about this giveaway.
Add yourself as a follower of my blog.
Leave me a comment with a link to your blog.
Easy breezy!!
What will you get? Well lets see....
How about some Rhonna Farrer clear stamps.
Not too shabby huh! Well I hope you will play along and help me celebrate my blogging anniversary. You have until next Friday, April 10th at 9PM to post.
Hugs to all,
Heidi
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
To Do What I Love
In keeping with my commitment to schedule more ME time, I am excited to announce that have decided to enroll in an oil painting class. Starting this Saturday at 9:30AM I am going to give my art another try.
This isn’t my first attempt. About 5 years ago I was hanging out with my Mom and we were talking about how many artists there were in my family. My cousins from my Mom’s side of the family were almost all graphic and or commercial designers by trade. Those that didn’t have a career in it were still very gifted in the arts. They all have incredible artistic talent. My Mom, who always wanted to be a fashion designer, is also great at sketching, sewing, knitting, crocheting and was always doing arts and crafts as I grew up.
When I was a kid I used to love to sit next to her while she talked on the phone because invariably she would take to doodling. But her doodling was far from what I would call doodling. It usually looked like the drawings you would see on the covers of the Butterick or McCall sewing patterns. You know those fashion one-line sketches that looked like Barbie Doll women with little waists, full bosoms and long lean shapely legs in fashionable gowns with interesting angles. She really has some incredible drawing skills but sadly has never pursued this gift.
On this one particular day that we discussed the family gifts, I, remembering her drawings and I asked her to show me how to draw. She gave me a lesson or two (while she discounted her own incredible skill) and sent me on my way.
I was intrigued and challenged and went out and bought me a sketch pad, a couple of drawing pencils, and a kneaded eraser and started sketching everyone that would let me. First I started with my kids, then friends would give me photos of their kids and I would practice on them. Sometimes the drawings turned out good, but sometimes they were pretty scary. My Mom’s drawing always looked like fashion drawings, but I aspired to make my drawings a true likeness, a life-like image with depth and texture.
I practiced and practiced and practice until one day I actually created a drawing that was a spot on image of my son Austin.
I was astounded that I could do this. I was very proud of my accomplishment. But as I continued to sketch I grew tired of the pencil drawings. I had rubbed a raw spot on my thumb trying to shade and I wanted desperately to add color. So I went over to the arts supply store and purchased some charcoal pencils and some pastel crayons and started again. I loved working with the colors and they were extremely forgiving. If I made a mistake I just erased and started over. It was fantastic. One drawing after another I got better and better. I am a huge Michael Jordan fan and I would sit and sketch his likeness from photos in my Jordan coffee table book. I loved the deep tones of his skin. It was a great challenge.
There were times when I was drawing when it felt as if I were looking at things for the very first time. I was looking at things differently. It is hard to explain, but all of a sudden I was seeing the lines, the curves and the depth in a different way. It all started making perfect sense. I knew where I needed to pull back and where I needed to let go and the results were impressive. I remember feeling that God had poured this gift inside me and I was discovering it for the very first time. Did I deserve this gift? Is it really mine to keep? I felt so privileged. I began believing that Yes, I was really talented; I was an artist; a real artist”. It felt good.
Then one day I just stopped. I don’t really remember why or when, but I just stopped drawing. I told myself I had the gift. I knew I could do it, after all I had the drawings to prove it, but after some time had passed, when I tried to pick up the pencils and duplicate my efforts, it just didn’t feel the same. It was almost as though God had changed his mind about the gift. “Nope, I take that back” God must have thought. “I decided that you aren’t going to have this gift.” “You don’t deserve this gift.” And it was gone.
I know this sounds pretty crazy (I told you this would get interesting) but that is how it felt. I debated whether God might have felt that I wasn’t deserving of such talent. This was nonsense. Why wouldn’t I deserve it? I had committed my life to Christ. I was going to church on a regular basis, I making every effort to walk in love and live my life to Honor Him. Yet somehow, deep inside it still felt as if I had displeased him somehow. The feeling was gone. The passion was but a burning ember. The belief that I had the gift in me had faded to a faint glow.
But here lately it is as if someone has fanned the flame again. I can feel the desire rising up in my spirit and I am going to give it another try. Truthfully, my cup runneth over. The desire to create has become so intense and I feel as if I will go mad if I don’t bleed some of this creativity off. I know it is there and it is calling to me.
I was talking to my husband about my funk, trying to explain what it is that has been bothering me and as I ran on and on about housework and homework and laundry and honey-do’s I realized what the problem was…it wasn’t all these things in my life that were getting on my last nerve as much as it was that these things in my life were keeping me from what I needed to do. These things were stealing my time and creative energy and keeping me from draining off the creative desires of my heart. I likened it to that of a man with an unquenchable thirst for a woman and his inability to satisfy his urge. Imagine for just a moment what that would feel like. Frustrating huh? Well THIS is why I have been feeling like I am going to burst inside. This is why I feel agitated and aggravated. This is why I resent the fact that my time is being stolen away from me. This is the funk, or at least part of it. I do not like it, so I am going to try and change it. Starting Saturday. I will keep you posted.
This isn’t my first attempt. About 5 years ago I was hanging out with my Mom and we were talking about how many artists there were in my family. My cousins from my Mom’s side of the family were almost all graphic and or commercial designers by trade. Those that didn’t have a career in it were still very gifted in the arts. They all have incredible artistic talent. My Mom, who always wanted to be a fashion designer, is also great at sketching, sewing, knitting, crocheting and was always doing arts and crafts as I grew up.
When I was a kid I used to love to sit next to her while she talked on the phone because invariably she would take to doodling. But her doodling was far from what I would call doodling. It usually looked like the drawings you would see on the covers of the Butterick or McCall sewing patterns. You know those fashion one-line sketches that looked like Barbie Doll women with little waists, full bosoms and long lean shapely legs in fashionable gowns with interesting angles. She really has some incredible drawing skills but sadly has never pursued this gift.
On this one particular day that we discussed the family gifts, I, remembering her drawings and I asked her to show me how to draw. She gave me a lesson or two (while she discounted her own incredible skill) and sent me on my way.
I was intrigued and challenged and went out and bought me a sketch pad, a couple of drawing pencils, and a kneaded eraser and started sketching everyone that would let me. First I started with my kids, then friends would give me photos of their kids and I would practice on them. Sometimes the drawings turned out good, but sometimes they were pretty scary. My Mom’s drawing always looked like fashion drawings, but I aspired to make my drawings a true likeness, a life-like image with depth and texture.
I practiced and practiced and practice until one day I actually created a drawing that was a spot on image of my son Austin.
I was astounded that I could do this. I was very proud of my accomplishment. But as I continued to sketch I grew tired of the pencil drawings. I had rubbed a raw spot on my thumb trying to shade and I wanted desperately to add color. So I went over to the arts supply store and purchased some charcoal pencils and some pastel crayons and started again. I loved working with the colors and they were extremely forgiving. If I made a mistake I just erased and started over. It was fantastic. One drawing after another I got better and better. I am a huge Michael Jordan fan and I would sit and sketch his likeness from photos in my Jordan coffee table book. I loved the deep tones of his skin. It was a great challenge.
There were times when I was drawing when it felt as if I were looking at things for the very first time. I was looking at things differently. It is hard to explain, but all of a sudden I was seeing the lines, the curves and the depth in a different way. It all started making perfect sense. I knew where I needed to pull back and where I needed to let go and the results were impressive. I remember feeling that God had poured this gift inside me and I was discovering it for the very first time. Did I deserve this gift? Is it really mine to keep? I felt so privileged. I began believing that Yes, I was really talented; I was an artist; a real artist”. It felt good.
Then one day I just stopped. I don’t really remember why or when, but I just stopped drawing. I told myself I had the gift. I knew I could do it, after all I had the drawings to prove it, but after some time had passed, when I tried to pick up the pencils and duplicate my efforts, it just didn’t feel the same. It was almost as though God had changed his mind about the gift. “Nope, I take that back” God must have thought. “I decided that you aren’t going to have this gift.” “You don’t deserve this gift.” And it was gone.
I know this sounds pretty crazy (I told you this would get interesting) but that is how it felt. I debated whether God might have felt that I wasn’t deserving of such talent. This was nonsense. Why wouldn’t I deserve it? I had committed my life to Christ. I was going to church on a regular basis, I making every effort to walk in love and live my life to Honor Him. Yet somehow, deep inside it still felt as if I had displeased him somehow. The feeling was gone. The passion was but a burning ember. The belief that I had the gift in me had faded to a faint glow.
But here lately it is as if someone has fanned the flame again. I can feel the desire rising up in my spirit and I am going to give it another try. Truthfully, my cup runneth over. The desire to create has become so intense and I feel as if I will go mad if I don’t bleed some of this creativity off. I know it is there and it is calling to me.
I was talking to my husband about my funk, trying to explain what it is that has been bothering me and as I ran on and on about housework and homework and laundry and honey-do’s I realized what the problem was…it wasn’t all these things in my life that were getting on my last nerve as much as it was that these things in my life were keeping me from what I needed to do. These things were stealing my time and creative energy and keeping me from draining off the creative desires of my heart. I likened it to that of a man with an unquenchable thirst for a woman and his inability to satisfy his urge. Imagine for just a moment what that would feel like. Frustrating huh? Well THIS is why I have been feeling like I am going to burst inside. This is why I feel agitated and aggravated. This is why I resent the fact that my time is being stolen away from me. This is the funk, or at least part of it. I do not like it, so I am going to try and change it. Starting Saturday. I will keep you posted.
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